It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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