I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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