Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
