I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize