My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize