You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
