I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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