oh god the rape fog is back!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize