i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Damn victory sex feels great
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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