Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
