whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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