Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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