so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
