EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
