she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize