Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
