idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
