I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
