How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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