So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
