I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
