i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
