I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
