my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and she was petting her beer can
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
