My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
