dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
