You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
