Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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