2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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