I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
