after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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