I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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