I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
