In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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