No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
