Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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