i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
