Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
