I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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