I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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