Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize