And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
