Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
