You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
