Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Boobs speak an international language.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
