dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
