so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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