i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
