It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
