i already hear my dad disowning me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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