I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize