Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
