we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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