so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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