Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
