I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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