I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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