I think I am morally bankrupt
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
