No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
