he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
