I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
