Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
