also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
