Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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