I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize