I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
