also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Where are you guys?
Drunk
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
