It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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