Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
