I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize