before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
