He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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