This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
