You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh god it's open bar.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
