we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
