So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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