Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Randomize
