this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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