It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Who died my cat blue again?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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