everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
