It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
