I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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