i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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