If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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