I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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