so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
