My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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