why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
