Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
