Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
