i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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