**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
