can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize