according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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