I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
