We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
