we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
