as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
