nutella sex= disaster
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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