Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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