Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Randomize
