She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
