We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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