sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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