I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
